Saturday, October 18, 2008

Sharks, Love, Atlantis and growing an extra tail.

Another day another challenge…I was feeling a little down after the adrenaline from our last adventure subsided. The pressure of competing in an arena other than politics and sexual innuendo was starting to get to me. I considered throwing in the towel, when suddenly it dawned on me what Hot Wheels had said. “…these ships are designed for one person. It might be a tight fit…”

Hallelujah, God came through again! The only question now was…Should I sit on Emma’s lap or she on mine? Perhaps I should suggest a more horizontal position? Oh, and a camera man, it’s like a legal excuse to tape the whole thing…. Have I said hallelujah yet? Because seriously,…Hallelujah!

While everyone was scrambling to leave, I hunted for a bathroom so I could splash some water and soap on all the important regions and bits. Fortunately, I stumbled across the Doctor Doom’s bedroom and private bath almost immediately. Word of advice if you’re ever at Castle Doom, don’t poke around his bedroom. Not only did he have odd books such as How to Alienate Friends and Kill People, he also had the largest collection Weebles you could ever imagine. Oh yeah, nothing says evil like a Weeble Wobble. (Seriously, they fall over…but they don’t fall down…)

Anyway, I got out of there quick. Who knows what a guy like would’ve done if he found me there. I made it back to the S.H.A.R.C. and sauntered up to Emma. I smiled my most winning smile and suggested that we lay horizontally for more room.

Emma returned my smile and said, “What a wonderful idea. Climb in first.”

I did what I was told, laying myself out awkwardly against the controls. “Emma, do you think you can fly while we’re lying across the controls?”

“No, Petrelli, I couldn’t, but you’re not going to be laying on the controls. You’re going to be levitating up against the ceiling while I sit in the pilot’s seat… Oh, but don’t worry, you’re not going to be alone.”

With those dreaded words, I knew what was coming…Yes, I’m sure you’ve guessed it too. She held both the camera man and me to the ceiling with the force of her mind. To make matters worse, she put us in a compromising position. When the camera man wasn’t looking she would flash a little cleavage to make me excited. To make a long story partially short, the camera man thinks I have a thing for him, and I didn’t even get to touch a booby.

Needless to say, I was relieved when we finally docked at Atlantis and the decompression began. The whole ordeal left me a little traumatized, so I was relieved to see they were offering cocktails as we disembarked. I grabbed mine and drank it down with one gulp before grabbing the other two on the tray and swilling them as well. It wasn’t until I finished the last that I noticed Emma and the camera man staring at me. “What?”

“That wasn’t a cocktail, you big dope. That was the formula that was to allow us to survive underwater for 24 hours. Who knows what too much will do to you?”

The attendant said, “Don’t worry, he may grow an extra tail or something, but it will eventually fall off. Emma continued to talk or maybe she was laughing, but I paid no attention. The air was becoming difficult to breath. I was choking on oxygen. The next thing I know, Emma had procured some of the formula and was pushing me out into the water. Once there, I was as good as new, and ready to make our way to King Namor’s throne room. (I’ve been in so many of those lately.) Everything went smoothly, he gave us our detour options and for once, Emma looked at me to see what I wanted to do.

Given that I will one day rule Earth, I thought it would be a good idea to AVOID helping King Namor plan for invading the surface, contingency plan or not… So GAME it was…

Once the decision was made, I felt energized. I rushed/swam back and forth testing out various gaming ideas. The first batch the King hated, but I was undaunted and returned to the drawing board. The final results were:

Underwater Karaoke-I thought I did a great job on demonstrating how the game would work. I even tried to Rock Star my appearance for effect. I heard a few people jeering, but I ignored them. Although I do wonder what they meant when they said I accepted both detours…I only had one glitch…I nearly electrocuted myself. Apparently electric guitar doesn’t mix well with water. Anyway, when I regained consciousness the King said, “Approved.”

Olympic Underwater Kangaroo Boxing-I have to admit this was a stroke of genius. I had to force the kangaroos to drink the underwater formula so they could survive long enough to fight. Over all, it was the hardest game to get past the King, but I convinced him to let me demonstrate. By the time I regained consciousness, he had agreed that it was the most entertaining of all the events so far.

Which brings us to the final event-Olympic Strip Twister-I owned on this game. I would have won, if that guy with the skid marks on the underwear didn’t have to put his or her bottom in my face. Yeah, … When I regained consciousness, the King once again said, “Approved.”

…and there you have it fellow competitors…The story of how I grew an extra tail and created three spectacular events for the Atlantian Olympics.


Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

I started this post before midnight, but I don't think I posted it before midnight. booo...

Nepharia said...

It actually hit at the same time mine did and I posted mine at 11:59 -- I'd say you made it in time :D

Professor Xavier said...

I agree. Perhaps your mind was on California time.

That Emma can be such a tease.

Jan the Intergalactic Aviator said...



Paula Abdrool said...

Wow! Wow! I totally want to cut off Emma's head and dump her body in the woods so we can be together! I'm going to go get an axe!

Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

I was so sure I was out, I didn't check back right away. Oh...and Paula, no need for an axe. There is plenty of me to go around. ;)