Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Congressman Brings Back the Dead & Gets a Fat Lip

After receiving our new instructions, I glanced to Emma and smiled nervously. I have to admit, I’m uncomfortable about this task. All the talk about Doom can’t be good. I’ve heard of him. He is obsessed with an ex-boyfriend. When I asked Emma about him, she rolled her eyes. “You’re thinking of Skeletor and HeMan. Dr. Doom is a whole different creature.... Although, I’m sure Dr. Doom has an ex-boyfriend roaming around somewhere. It seems like everyone has an ex-boyfriend these days.”

I’m glad she cleared that up. I think all my questions irritate her a little, which is unfortunate because I would really like to know what a Mephisto is. I wonder if it is like a manifesto....

Pulling me out of my reverie, Emma popped the back of my head. “Snap out of it. I’m piloting on this mission. You can flap the wings.”

I looked out the window at the wings. “Uh, How?”

She looked at me and made a hurmph noise. “Well isn’t it obvious? There is a huge platform right next to the console. You must stand on it. The platform will automatically sense your presence and use your body to direct the wing movements. All you have to do is lift one foot off the floor so the ship will raise into the air, and then you must flap your arms up and down.”

“OK, my pet…” Emma took a menacing step toward me. “I mean Ms. Emma. Ma’am.”

I ran to the platform quickly to avoid a beat down. At first, it didn’t work. The ship remained planted firmly to the ground. I thought I heard Emma laughing, but when I looked over my shoulder she was working on the control panel. She reassured me I was doing it properly, but since the equipment was old I should try jumping on one foot while flapping my arms."

I did as instructed while she pushed more buttons. Eventually we were gliding through the stars. I think Emma was really impressed with how hard I worked because every time she glanced at me, she would smile and duck her head away from me, shyly.

It didn't take us long to reach our destination. We didn’t take time to chat or eat lunch. Instead we jumped on our tandem bike and headed straight to Castle Doom. Emma, still wanting to be in charge jumped on the bike first. Oh… the view from the back was like dying and going to heaven. Hee, hee… Don’t tell her I said that. She can be touchy sometimes. Anyway, we didn’t encounter any obstacles on the way to the Castle. By the time we arrived, Doom was waiting for us. (I still say he looks like that Skeletor guy.)

With an evil sounding voice, he presented us with our detour options. "Dead or something else."

“Dead!” shouted Emma before I had a chance to consider.

Within seconds, we were transported to Hades or whatever you want to call it. Mephisto stepped forward, and asked us to state our business. Emma once again spoke up before I had the chance. Now I like a forceful woman, more than the next guy probably; but I do like to make a decision every now and then. I pulled her to the side and whined a little bit. Whining isn’t my normal thing; but it always works when my brother Pete uses it on me, so I gave it a try. Emma frowned at me and said that I could help her choose who to bring back from the dead. Then she gave me the list…. “Your choices are: Albert Einstein, Leonardo Divinci, or Confucious, each of these men were great thinkers, artists, and philosophers. The world will be a better place by bringing them back.”

Mephisto cleared his throat. “Don’t you think you have to clear this with me first?”

“Oh yeah.” I said, remembering we still had to negotiate. “I think we can work out a deal, Manifesto. We can trade you something…How about my Mother?”

Mephisto, at first angry about me getting his name wrong, began to laugh when I mentioned Mumzie. “I’m already getting her, but I tell you what, I notice you’ve been trying to change your ways lately. How about your soul? I could use a lecher like you around here, greatly entertaining.”

I stuttered, “Oh sorry, I’m turning over a new leaf. It’s too soon for me to give up on being good...Oh…I know…forget about the people Emma mentioned. Bring back my ex. She will bring you more souls without even trying. Her release will be your own reward.”

Emma grabbed my arm to shut me up, but it was too late. Anna was jumping up and down, and up and down, and up and down. She was so happy. I was about to walk over and let her thank me up close, but Emma pulled my arm again. When I turned to face her, all I saw were knuckles. The next thing I remember, I was laying on the floor of the throne room at castle doom.

In hindsight, I should have taken Emma’s jealousy into consideration before throwing out Anna’s name like that, but what can I say… I like to play to win.


Professor Xavier said...

Well at least with Anna back, The Soup will have something to talk about agan.

Mr. Bennet said...

That's why my plan was to blow up the drop ship, so I wouldn't have to make an ass of myself jumping up and down on one foot while flapping my arms.

Paula Abdrool said...

You are the hottest congressman ever! I'm going to register to vote in every county so I can vote for you over and over!

Randy said...

Yo dog, that was tight. Anna is one hot mamma!

Nepharia said...

I have to admit, Emma is a very smart mutant.