Friday, October 24, 2008

Jan the Intergalactic Aviator: Nightclubbing, we're nightclubbing

Oh God, so I’m teamed up with Nightcrawler and (confession time!) he is SO cute. I can’t believe this. I don’t usually get all teenage girly in front of someone like this, but Nightcrawler is. Whew. Well, he’s cute anyway. I just want to grab him and give him a big hug.

So anyway, we’re riding in the SHARC from Atlantis to Florida for the next leg of the race and we’re kind of squished up cozy in the cockpit. He’s sitting on my lap and he’s just so cuddly I can’t stand it.

Whew, OK. Calm down, girl. We actually haven’t gotten much of a chance to talk. I don’t know what to say to him, he’s been so quiet but I heard that he volunteered to partner up with me.

OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod, what if he likes me? I bet he does! I have to talk to him. Keep it cool, Jan,

“So, uh, you come here often?” Ugh! Stupid stupid stupid! Worst opening line ever.

“Um, ja,” he chuckled back.


Nightcrawler sitting on my lap like this sure is making me moist.

In my armpits, it’s all cramped in this cabin. What did you think I was talking about?


Oh, he shifted, wait, maybe he wants to talk to me.

“Ah, you know I asked to be your partner…” he said.

“Yeah?” I replied. Keep it cool, Jan.

“I just thought zat maybe ve could get to know each other a little better or something,” he said kind of quietly.

Holy crumbs, he likes me. Oh man, I just want to snuggle with him... snuggle all night long you know.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that,” I replied. “So, I uh heard that you’re a pilot and stuff. You want to see my ship some time maybe?”

“Ja, zat vould be nice,” he replied.

“The Pegasus Elite’s real fast. I like it real fast. Uh, I like my ship real fast, I mean, heh heh.” Ughhhh. Could this get any worse?

“Ja, I know vhat you mean,” he chuckled.

Finally, we get to Orlando and I see a guy in a red shirt, a huge-o cowboy hat and a wonkin’ big belt buckle.

“Howdy, y’all,” he grinned. “I’m racing champion Richard Petty and I’m here to escort you to your detour.”

“That’s nice and all,” I said. “But there’s something I have to give you first.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that, gal?”

“This.” I quickly pulled out my blaster rifle and shot him to the ground with a couple stun blasts.

“Vait no!” Nightcrawler protested, but I had already done the deed. “Vhy did you just shoot him?”

“Because he’s not Richard Petty,” I said. I pulled out my sonic screwdriver and aimed it at his face. Where the beam crossed his skin, the image of Richard Petty was replaced by a blank white mask.

“Vwow,” Nightcrawler shook his head. “How did you know that?”

“My sonic screwdriver detected the subtle shifts in the holographic image that he was using and quietly alerted me,” I replied. “This thing is pretty handy at sniffing out illusions like this.”

“Sehr interesting,” Nightcrawler nodded. “I am impressed.”

“All right,” I growled as I hoisted the imposter to his feet. “Who are you and where’s Petty?”

“Fool!” he growled back at me. “I’ll never tell.”

“He’s the Chameleon,” Nightcrawler answered. “I recognize him. Someone must have hired him to take us out.”

“And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for that pesky screwdriver of yours,” he growled again.

“Yeah, so who hired you and why?” I shook him by his lapel.

“Let’s just say that there are some mutants out there who aren’t too happy with you being the Mutant Massacrer,” he answered.

“Argh!” I yelled. “I am not the Mutant Massacrer. And besides, Juggernaut isn’t even a mutant. His powers come from a magical gem.”

“Oh, and another thing!” a puff of smoke quickly enveloped him. I felt him try to wrench free of my grip so I shot him with my blaster again.

“Now vhat do ve do vith him?” Nightcrawler asked.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Call the cops or something?”

“And what about our detour?” my mutant friend asked.

“I’m not doing shirt,” I said quickly.

“Flirt it is, zhen.”

We made our way to Tabu after dumping off the Chameleon with the local cops. This club was hopping, the music was rocking and the drinks were pouring. I’m not really that much of a club gal, but I couldn’t help to get into the rhythm with everything going on around me. It didn’t hurt that the tequila sunrises were yummy. Nightcrawler had a few drinks, too, but he seemed rather reserved and just quietly sat at a bar stool.

“It’s tough going to places like this sometimes,” he admitted. “Going out in public isn’t easy for someone like me.”

“Well I think you look great,” I said as I put my arm around him. I pulled myself closer to him. A little liquid courage is just what the doctor ordered. “Let’s get the challenge over with and then maybe you and I can get some time alone.”

“I vould like zat.”

“Oh my God, look who’s here!” I saw that trademark smile coming a mile away. I’d know him anywhere. “Jack! Jack! What are you doing here?”

“Just thought I’d get a little R & R,” Captain Jack Harkness flashed those teeth back at me. “Get away from the office a little, you know.”

“You actually go on vacation?” I asked.

“Yeah well, believe it or not,” he chuckled. “And what a better place to go on holiday than where the women are hot and the men are hotter.”

“Well I got something for you. This is for Meta Sigma Polia.” I punched him hard right in the jaw.

His smirk disappeared as his head recoiled from the hit. He wiped his hand across the jaw and looked at me with those baby blues in an earnest “Well I guess I deserved that” kind of way.

“And this is for Argolis.” I grabbed his head and planted a big sloppy kiss on him. For a full minute. I pulled back and smiled at him wickedly.

“Nice,” he laughed. “I didn’t know I was your type.”

I punched him the shoulder playfully. “Yeah well, maybe you are and maybe you aren’t. You want to do us a favor and plant one on my friend right here?”

“You mean lithe, dark, and handsome?” Jack asked. “Love to.”

“Oh I don’t know,” Nightcrawler held up his hands. “Zis doesn’t seem right.”

“Oh come on,” the Torchwood leader pushed. “You’re not some kind of religiousy guy who thinks a little man on man is wrong are you?”

“Ah nein. Nein, I’m the adventury swashbuckler type,” he insisted.

“Well here’s an adventure for you.” Harkness pulled close and kissed Nightcrawler. After a moment, Nightcrawler kissed back. “Sweet. Like that tongue action.”

“Can ve go now?” Nightcrawler asked.

“You got it,” I nodded. I started to pull my companion out of the club when Harkness shouted out to me.

“Hey!” he yelled above the thumping music. “Be careful, will ya?” He pointed back and forth between us.

“You got it.” I smiled and gave a mock salute. Nightcrawler smiled too as we dashed out the door.

Soon enough, we were at the Courtyard Marriot. We raced through the lobby when Nightcrawler grabbed me and pulled me into an elevator. As we went up to the top floor, he pulled me close and gave me a big kiss. “I vant to talk to you, in private,” he said.

“Sure.” I grinned back at him. “You got it, Nightcrawler.”

“Please. Call me Kurt,” he whispered in my ear.

“Kurt,” I breathed out. “You know I’m not trying to kill mutants, right? You have to believe me.”

“I do,” he whispered back.

We made it to the top and he pulled me out of the elevator. We raced out onto the roof and he made an amazing leap onto the ledge. He scrunched himself down in a squat and looked over the city of Orlando.

“I haven’t felt zis vay in a long time,” he confided. “It’s tough being a mutant. Especially tough if you look like I do.”

“I know what it’s like… I’ve been to places where they think I’m just some kind of a cave woman. There are places out there.” I pointed vaguely out towards the stars. “Places where they think we’re all a bunch of un-evolved cretins.”

“Maybe we are,” he grinned.

“Yeah but you’re so gosh darn cute,” I replied as I stepped towards him with my arms out. He leapt right over me back onto the roof. I gasped at his feat as he laughed.

“Ha ha!” he laughed like Errol Flynn in some kind of a pirate movie. “Oh there’s just one more thing I must tell you.”

“Wait, why do you sound different?” I asked. “Oh no…”

I watched as my fuzzy blue elf changed. His features shifted and his hair grew out from the tight black curls into long tresses of auburn. His shape shifted into that of a woman. A blue woman.

“Unfortunately,” Mystique said as she pulled out a pistol. “This is the end of the race for you.”

“Wait, I’ve been kissing you all along? Ewww.”

“Oh but it was OK for Nightcrawler to kiss that smiling baboon at the club? What’s good for the gander isn’t good for the goose, huh?”

“So you’re going to kill me then?” I held up my hands. “I suppose you’re the one who hired the Chameleon.”

“I apologize for the depths of my deception,” she replied. “If he had failed, you still would have let your guard down after his attempt and that’s exactly what I wanted.”

“But I couldn’t tell it was you,” I said. “How could that be?”

“Simple,” she shrugged. “Nightcrawler is my son. Posing as him is easy enough for me. And, as you can clearly see, my abilities are not mere parlor tricks and holograms.”

“Wait, you disguised yourself as your own son?” I asked. “Ewww, talk about your issues. I know a psychiatrist who would have a field day with that. Want his card?”

“I don’t think so.” She aimed her pistol at me and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. She pulled it several more times but all she got was a series of metallic clicks in response. “What?”

“Oh yeah, maybe I couldn’t tell that you were you but I could certainly burn out your firing mechanism with this.” I tossed my sonic screwdriver up in the air and caught it with smug satisfaction. “Looks like you’re out of luck, sister.”

Mystique howled and lunged at me. I countered with my specialty the circle throw and tossed her up and over me. Her momentum carried her over the ledge and I heard her screams fading. I quickly got up and looked over the side and saw her body crumpled in a sickening way on the concrete below.

Quickly, I raced to the elevator and hit the button for the first floor. I then ran out of the lobby and into the parking lot. There were people standing around and talking in a confused manner, but I didn’t see Mystique’s body anywhere.


Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

Jack Harkness, Captain Jack Harkness. I knew a man by that name. I went through basic training with him. We shared the same hole...

That's fancy military talk by the way.

Jan the Intergalactic Aviator said...

Hmmm. And because of your military training, if you had to, do you think you could take a man from behind?

Professor Xavier said...

Hmm, perhaps I should have mind-scanned Nightcrawler first. My bad.

Paula Abdrool said...

Your are like the most awesome chiropracter ever! It's like I had this horrible knot in my shoulders and then I read about your adventure and suddenly I feel fantastic! You should totally charge for people reading your stories!

captain koma said...

Homosexuality, Mom's dressing up as their sons, awkward moments.


Your family get together's must be awesome.

Nepharia said...

Jan....I'm speechless. Adding Mystique to a Ménage à Trois could be totally interesting.