Thursday, October 9, 2008

Highway to hell

Up on the stage was Jimmy Hendrix, Kurt Cobain and Bon Scott doing the most kick ass version of Stairway to Heaven. The song choice was quite ironic, cause we were in Hell. As the final power chords were ground into existence by Hendrix, Bon Scott delivers the final lines in a wail that a banshee would be proud of.
The crowd applauds. Screams and wails echo in the cavernous room.
"Hang on." says Bon to the audience and they stop cheering. "Can I smell the land of the living in here?"
"That better not be that Orpheus cat again." snaps Hendrix. "You know I can't stand his lyre."
"If thats Ossama tell him to f#$% off." mumbles Cobain. "He can't hide here no more."
"Nope its not some lovesick Greek." says Bon. "Its Captain Koma! Everyone give it up for another bad boy from Oz." The crowd applauds and a spotlight falls on Victor and I. I wave acknowledging the crowd.
"Koma don't be shy. Get on up here." encourages the legend of Oz rock. The crowd joins in urging us to join Bon on stage. We get on stage and the applause is thunderous.
"Hey its Sabertooth." screams a demon in the front row. "I was the guy who tempted you into killing your parents."
"Thanks" replies Victor.
Bon raises his hand and the audience goes quiet.
"So what are two evil guys like yourselves doing here before your time?" asks Bon.
"Well it started on the Starcore space station...." I begin and quite suddenly everything goes wobbly.
"Hey whats going on?" grumps Victor.
"Don't worry mate, its just a flashback it happens in hell when you tell your life story." explains Bon.

I continued and the flashback took its full effect.
Xavier told us we had to take a dropship to Latveria.
- Doom - the crowd whispers in hushed tones.
Yeah Doom comes in later, I tell them. The dropship only had one parachute and Victor being the survivor claimed it for himself.
- Greed, Selfishness, Pride - cheers the crowd.
When the dropships parachutes didn't open Victor got all scared cause he didn't listen to Xavier tell us that the dropship glides. He was too busy drooling on The White Queen.
- Lusssst - hisses the crowd.
So Sabertooth panics and decides to leap to safety.
- Fear - they all yell in unison.
"Hey I wasn't scared. I just didn't want to die." protests Victor.
- Liar, Liar, Liar - The crowd chants.
Of course the dropships wings emerge and the landing procedure begins. Meanwhile Victor tries to open the parachute which doesn't work. Never trust Iraqi surplus.
"I never did." pipes up Saddam. "All my parachutes were made in Germany."
The dropships destination was one of the lakes in Latveria. The dropship landed skimming over the water to a graceful end. Victor landed somewhere in the forest surrounding the lake.
"Schaudenfruede" chimed Hitler.
Then there was the eco-friendly bike ride to Dooms castle. Of course Victor wasn't in any condition to ride so I deputised Bob our cameraman and we tied Victor to the bike. Then there was our meeting with....
- DOOM! - yells the crowd.
Your a wonderful audience. There were two challenges. One was to go steal from Red Beard.
"Arrrrr! So thats how me treasure was stolen" curses Red beard the Pirate.
The second was to convince Mephisto to let someone go.
- Booooo! Hissss! - cries the crowd in anger.
The flashback retreats its wobbly lines fading away to nothing.
"The boss don't like it when someone gets to leave here." mentions Bon. "He can be quite a nasty bastard when he wants to be."
"Yes I can." booms a voice. The crowd parts and entering is the Prince of Lies himself.
"So the metallic mummy's boy thinks he can send someone to get his mother out." gloats the fallen angel.
I was just about to reply when suddenly.
"Austin your here to save me." cries Lin.
"Isn't that the sex-bot you made?" asks Victor. "She's hot."
"You gave her thoughts and emotions. Add a sinful life and thats the price of admission here." sighs the evil one.
Lin continues through the crowd and makes her way onto the stage.
"I told you all that my Koma would come and save me." screams Lin excitedly.
The crowd boos and geers.
"Quiet!" commands Mephisto. The crowd instantly goes silent. "You want to take someone from here, take her." Offers Mephisto. "Being a synthetic being means she doesn't really count. Also it will make Doom go crazy."

I agree and instantly the three of us are transported back to Dooms castle.

"What!" exclaims Doom.
"Is that who I think it is?" asks Xavier.
"It sure is Chuckles." chirps Lin. "This synthetic girls back in black."


Vegeta said...

Do robots even have souls? Does that count as freeing a soul?

captain koma said...

Does the fact that you didn't do the bike ride mean that you didn't complete the challenge?

Jan the Intergalactic Aviator said...



(I still want to know how Lin got to Hell though)

Randy said...

Yo dog, straight up, Hell's got the best rock and roll ever.

Your team is tight.

Vegeta said...

I did the bike ride.

Professor Xavier said...

Well, he did get someone out of Hell so it complies with the rules. I'm sure that synthetics like the Vision will be glad to know there's some afterlife for them.

Paula Abdrool said...

Koma, do you have a twin brother that could take your place if I kidnap you and keep you in my basement? You're so awesome I want you with me forever! Forever!!

Nepharia said...

The hell you went to looks like a happening place.

Inventory said...

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