Friday, October 3, 2008

The Armaeson disaster

The Orbiter I built all by myself. Got us up to the station safe and secure.

We're given the decision to space walk or intergalactic diplomacy. I let Creed decide.
"We'll do the talking thing." he tells me and my jaw hits the floor. I asked Creed "Why?" about 200 times. Finally he gives in.
"Its those symbiotes they're.....icky." he confides.
"Icky?" I shout. "You cut people up, you've tasted blood and liked it."
"They're icky, black, slippery and they remind me of leeches. I hate leeches." he snarls.
"Hang on." I say trying to stop laughing too hard. "Your afraid of Leeches?"
"I'm not afraid of leeches!" he shouts. "I just don't like them."
After this confession of sorts we're led into a crash course in First Contact Protocols.

This crash course is run by our handlers, Brad and Tad. They are very happy with the two of us.
"Oh they are perfect for the Armaeson's " says Tad to Brad.
"Indubitably. Joy!" confirms Brad.

"Oh look at him."gushes Tad. "Oooo! Watch out I feeling like I'm coming down with a case of bear fever."

"Get offa me your fruit!" snarls Victor pushing Tad away from him violently.

"You'd better watch your back." whispers Brad. "Tad likes it rough, he could take Victor from you."

"He's more than welcome to try." I smile. This could be a fun trip, the worst that could happen is that Victor kills Tad. Of course the worst for Victor isn't all that bad for me either. Then Brad changes that completely.

"Ooo an open relationship." trills Brad licking his lips. "This mission is looking less boring by the second."

When Tad and Brad aren't trying to seduce us they are grooming us for our representative roles for first contact. Victor and I fit them like a glove, the roles that is not Tad and Brad. I'm supposed to be the leader, intelligent, well spoken, regal even. Victor is supposed to be a violent animal, a warrior born. See prefect fit.

Finally the big moment arrives and we are presented to the Armaeson ambassador.
"Damn she's hot." mutters Victor. I ignore him and go through the preprepared speech about fostering friendship and intergalactic peace. The Armaeson ambassador (her name is Liltah) replied with a similar speech. The universal translators of course making the whole thing possible.
After the formalities we're brought into a function room, there's drinks and niblies. Victor stays to script and keeps by my side being gruff and rude to all who get too close to us.
Tad and Brad are smiling like they've got the keys to Streisand's house for the weekend.
Liltah comes back to us introducing a few dignitaries, all women. In fact all of the Armaeson's we met were women and they all look at me like Tad's been looking at Victor.
"Dr Peter's will you walk with me?" invites Liltah breathlessly.
"What happens on tour stays on tour." whispers Victor. "You know you want it." I ignore Victor and accompany Liltah to the viewing deck. This is intergalactic diplomacy as if sex has a place here.
"Victor thinks thats your home world, is it?" I ask pointing out the huge blue and green orb floating in space.
"No thats just one of our many outposts." she replies. "But I'm more interested in you than your male."
Well that could just be professional interest in Earth and human beings in general. I'm quite sure that there was no sexual subtext.
"I want you, here now." she pants.
I begin to protest but she quickly plants her lips on mine, followed by a voracious tongue. She's very vigorous in her motions and her mouth tastes of musk. I really try to resist but I can't, my senors detect a massive release of pheromones. Unfortunately its way too late for any counter measures to take effect.
Liltah picks I'm resisting and tries to comfort me.
"I'm quite sure your male pleasures you well. But let me show you the delights two woman can find."
Then I remember that all the Armaeson dignitaries were female. Its not Armaesons, its AMAZONS.
She moves her hand down my chest, down, down, down. She finds something unexpected.
"Your a....male." she says shocked.
It was at that moment we were interrupted by one of the Armaeson military who became quite alarmed at what she'd just overheard.
"You'd better run before they try to kill you." warns Liltah. "Men are only for procreation. I will be punished."
I tarried for a few seconds.
"Go! They will kill you if they catch you." she shouts

Victor and I made it back onto Starcuiser, unfortunately so did Brad and Tad. They weren't so happy with me at all.

"Oh well. Better offer them the usual deal." sighs Tad
"But which countries population to choose from?" ponders Brad.

"Whats the usual?" asks Victor.

"Oh its just the scientific testing option." explains Tad. "We offer up a small percentage of a countries population up for testing. Its much similar to the deal the Japanese have with whales."
"Just run of the mill probing. Never hurt anyone." adds Tad

"What about Australia." offers Victor.

"Oh wonderful choice." gushes Tad
"Capitol decision Victor." congratulates Brad.



Jan the Intergalactic Aviator said...

She mistook you for a woman?

Heh heh, I guess I can understand that.

Mr. Bennet said...

Australians? You'd think they'd probe a species more closely related to humans.

Vegeta said...

Maybe you should grow a beard or something.

captain koma said...

Stop commenting about my masculinity.

She only mistook me for a female cause all of the Armaeson males are brutish animals like victor.

Henchman432 said...


Professor Xavier said...

Sort of the Roger Corman version of first contact. Better luck next time, Komina.

Paula Abdrool said...

Sabertooth is so sexy! When you're done with him, can I have him? I'll have him wear a tight white T-shirt and wash my car. Yum!

Nepharia said...

Hmmm, the Armaeson males sound as if they might be a lot of fun.