Thursday, September 25, 2008

Task Two and the Further Adventures of Emma & the Congressman

After receiving instructions on our new task, I attempted to gather everyone around my Expedition. Everyone ignored me, even though I promised them that I wasn’t going to give a political speech. I finally had a few mutants pause and approach skeptically. I could tell I wouldn’t hold their attention for long so I quickly encouraged them to take each other’s hands so we could pray over the successful completion of the next part of the race… Well, in hindsight, I admit it probably wasn't a good idea; but for the record, I would never do that to my mother…

Anyway, when I finished my prayer, I noticed everyone left without waiting…except for Bennett who had to take a 30 minute yield. nah, nah, na, boo, boo. Emma was still there, of course, but she just stared at me like I had developed a third eye on my forehead. I tried to grab the map from her, but she held it over her head. No matter how high I jumped, I couldn’t get it from her. I even tried to fly above her and grab it, but she sucker punched me in the stomach before I could get a foot off the ground.

With a bruised belly, I decided the lord probably wanted her to drive anyway. Besides, we were a little behind the others and Emma felt she could catch us up to them. She took several shortcuts and before long we made it to Inuvik and traded the Expedition. I wasn’t quite prepared for the motion sickness caused by hovercraft; but I said a prayer to make it go away and by the time we reached the North Pole, it was gone.

Emma didn’t even let me look over our options. She chose PLAY, and we began our trek across the frozen wasteland to find Santa’s workshop. I was a little cautious about this Santa guy. He rarely brought me anything when I was a kid, other than a huge chunk of coal. Yeah, I’m glad she chose play…I have some things I’d like to talk over with Santa.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get meet him right away. Emma and I were hustled into a room to help the elves make toys. Actually, Emma was allowed to sit with the head elf and chat. They forced me to strip in front of a bunch of touchy feely elves and put on an elf costume. I was irate about the whole thing really, until someone said photo op and then I turned on my best smile. I can’t help it. It’s instinct.

Anyway, I worked for hours toiling away with no one caring that I was being used as slave labor. I was on the verge of quitting and flying away, when it occurred to me, this is probably how the Israelites felt when they toiled in Egypt so I labored onward until I finished my toy. The other elves looked at it and then looked at each other. Then they picked it up and told me to follow them. Emma looked worried for the first time since our arrival, and she walked up beside me asking me, “What have you done now?”

I was trying to assure her that I had done nothing wrong, when we arrived outside the door to Santa’s Big Office, which actually turned out to be his Big Kitchen. The punk was sitting at a table shoving cookies in his mouth when one of the elves approached him and whispered something in his ear. I don’t know what was said but he handed him my toy and pointed back to me.

Santa took it and called me over. Emma followed behind me muttering under her breath. Santa held up my toy and said that he was shocked by the doll I made and that there was no way he could possible give it to a child. Emma hissed, “Great, now we have to start over again.”

Santa held up his hand saying, “No, no… I happen to know a whole new group who would love this toy.
In fact there is someone who practically asked me for one of these specifically. I just called you over to congratulate you and give you the directions to Ice Station Zebra. I thanked him for the directions, but didn’t move. Emma tried to grab my arm and pull me out of the room, but I eluded her.

I took a deep breath and began to lecture Santa, on how he shouldn’t horn in on the lord’s big day. Christmas was Jesus’ birthday after all… I can’t tell you what happened immediately after because Emma punched me in the face. When I regained consciousness, we were on the road again. Emma looked over at me and pulled to the side of the road. She pulled me out into the cold and stood over me. I was sure a beating was to follow; but instead she paced and said, “I don’t have a problem with God, but you’re acting insane. What I’m about to do is for your own good; and if you ever mention it again, I’ll pull your spleen out through your nose.”

Before I could ask what she meant she grabbed my head and rubbed it between her bosoms. I tried to pray my way through the temptation, but in the end I just drooled and lost consciousness again.
When I awoke the second time, we had already made it to the pit stop. I’m feeling a little conflicted about the whole thing; but even so, I think its further proof that I’m chipping my way through to Emma’s heart. Well I have to go…but I do request that no one mention to Emma what I just told you. I don’t know where my spleen is, but I think it would hurt coming out of my nose.

Thank you,
Congressman Petrelli


Jan the Intergalactic Aviator said...

Heh, how cold was she just wearing a bustier and stilleto boots?

Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

It may have been a little nippley out.

Mr. Bennet said...

Since when has Christmas been "the lord's day"???

Professor Xavier said...

Well if your trying to get close to Emma's heart, your getting closer. I'm not sure I'm too crazy about this new religous Nathan. Hopefully you'll get some perspective about your "miraculous" recovery soon.

Henchman432 said...


captain koma said...

What? No picture of the event.

Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

@ Bennet...more accurately, his big day... birthday and what not.

@ xavier...yeah, my perspective will no doubt have breasts.

@ too

@ koma...I'll have to check with the camera man.

Gyrobo said...

I was dozing in and out, but I'm pretty sure the last presidential debate ended the same way.

Paula Abdrool said...

I love Nathan!! I want to vote for you like 30 times this November!!