Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Rule#2 Never trust psychics

Xavier had a problem with my little brain surgery on Sabertooth. He forced me to remove the explosive device, after that he brought the two of us together for a 'chat'.
"Ooooweeeeoooo. You will not Kill each other. Oooooooweeeeoooo!" trances Xavier
"Huh!" That can't have worked.
I take my blaster and aim it at Victor's head. I go to pull the trigger.
"Ow!" It was like someone kicked me in the head. Xavier justs smiles.
"Is it always like that?" I ask Sabertooth.
"No sometimes he puts on a wig and makes you think he's Magnum P.I." answered Victor.

We drove to Inuvik and nothing happened, Victor seemed resigned to His fate. We get to the change over from SUV to hovercraft and Victor says he needs some 'supplies'.
That of course means Beer, the only bar in town is a biker hangout. He takes his damn time too.
The hovercraft is quite cool but an hour later it stops. Victor taps the display.
"Empty" he grunts.
"I'll use my teleporter and get us some gas." I tell him.
"That'd be cheating Koma." blurts the camera man.
"Oh well then I'd better start running." replies Victor and with that he heads off in the opposite direction.
"What was all of that?" I ask the cameraman.
"Sorry but Xavier took me aside went Ooooweeeooo and said You will remind them about cheating." answered the cameraman.
I check the gas tank and there's a claw sized hole in it. This seems a little too convenient.
Then 'BANG' a bullet hits the hovercraft just missing me. My sensors locate the origin of the bullet and the heat signature of the shooter.
He tries to leg it on his ski doo, too late for him.
The shooter, now sitting in the hovercraft is desperately tring to gun his ski doo which he isn't on. I draw my blaster.
"You I can kill." I smile.
"No you can't thats against the rules." blurts the Cameraman
Damn you Xavier.

Much later Victor returns on a ski doo driven by a guy called Nut Fluck Chuck Buck. He offered us some blubber. He also showed us his amusing tattoo.

Off on our way to the North Pole again Sabertooth breaks the silence.
"Did you kill the guy?" he asks gruffly.
"No I left him to a fate much worse." I snicker
Arriving at the North Pole we have a decision to make Rays or Plays.
"I ain't going to Santa." demands Victor.
"You gave up your right to choose when you sent an assassin to kill me." I snap back. "To Santa we go."

Santa's previous toy designer had lost his mojo and we had to make a new toy for Santa to rake in the dough this X-mas.
"I know what kids like." states Victor and grabs some of the elves and dissapears.

I on the other hand thought a toy line with political relevance would work.
The axis of evil play set.
With all your favourites Sadam, Ossama, Kim, George and Tony.

Santa wasn't all that happy with my toy line. Then came in Victor.
"Your search is over." He proudly beamed. "Kids will be rushing the stores for these beauties."
Nahtzee - The Fascist Game for Neo-Nazis everywhere

My Little Pony Glue Factory. What boy hasn't wanted to liquify his sisters ponies.
S&M Rubber Duckie. Kids gotta learn lovin can be painful.
The Chanel guillotine. French Killing in the USA

"Hmmm! Thats very nice Victor." Said Santa. "But the demographic needs to be widened a bit. What I really need is a new action figurine. That and some damn respect from these Kids." Santa grabs a letter behind him. "This is what one little snot sent this year."
I stand there looking at Victor and Santa side by side. No one would send Victor a letter like that and kids all over the world think he's cool. An idea formed in my mind.
"Santa I believe we can help." I tell the not so jolly man.

I explain my idea to Santa.

"Oh I love it." declared Santa joyously. "This is going to change every thing. Thank you both so very much."

Coming this Christmas. This Santa ain't taking no crap.


Vegeta said...

well santa should be ready for his rematch with Lobo at least

Professor Xavier said...

Who knew Santa secretly wanted to be a bad-ass headbreaker? And people say this show isn't educational.

Jan the Intergalactic Aviator said...

The Prof doesn't look too bad with the hair.

Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

Well as soon as you left he lost all his muscle. When I saw him he was a big blob of cookie mass.

Gyrobo said...

Careful what you say about psychics-- the Hypnotoad is watching.

Henchman432 said...

Santa seem different for me.

Paula Abdrool said...

I just love that leather look! It reminds me of my prom!