Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I hate space frat boys

Logan comes running into a local Moosejaw Cafe "They think we're flamin' Gay!!!!" He yells.

"Okay and?" I ask.

"Look ya may be some kinda Alien bub..." the Rodent begins.

I dismiss him. "I also have six children why would I put myself through the torture of raising them if I didn't like the act that made them. I don't care what someone thinks of me. It bothers you so much call the Japanese woman, and have some fun with her, but after this leg of the race."

That was easier said than done... looks like our adventures in the last race had made or SUV inoperable. Damn it if it were a space ship I could fix it, but this stupid piece of obsolete junk... Grrrrr! I end up kicking the thing with the android, and Logan inside.

It flies off with the force of my kick. I have to fly for a few minutes, to find it. I find Logan as happy as ever to see me. “Ya Flamin' idiot!!! What the #%$@ where ya tryin' ta pull ya @$## ?"

"Never mind sit down, and shut up I'm getting us to the Detour!" I order. “He keeps cursing while I kick out the floor board and run to the detour this melts the SUV to slag.

And apparently screws up the android some more it's now singing " Hello my darling hello my baby hello my ragtime gal!"

Logan slaps his forehead." Vegeta pulls a flamin' Fred Flintstone, and now the robot is actin' like that singin' frog I'm in a flamin' cartoon."

"Meh" I respond." Hmmm a choice between helping Santa Claus or Nick Fury... well since I punched Santa last year thinking he was Santa Doom it'd be better if we help Fury with the radioactive rocks."

“Wait what's a Santa Doom?" Wolverine questions.

“An evil creature that's a combination of Santa Claus, and Doctor Doom." I explain.

He stares for a few minutes." Ya...Ya take some pretty hard drugs don't cha?"

"No. Get in the hovercraft; we’re going see One-Eye. "

We find Fury in the middle of scattered debris from what looks like to be Markovian cruiser.

“Oh great Baldy sent me team Napoleon complex." Fury quips.

"Hey Fury I see ya ain't lookin' like Samuel L. Jackson today. Feel secure enough ta look like yerself? I mean yer pretty ugly..." Logan takes one of Fury's cigars and starts smoking it. " So maybe ya shouldn't."

The Director of SHIELD growls. “Okay you mooks. Here's the situation we want to see what these glowing rocks do to people. So you two are our guinea pigs. Have fun.

The SHIELD agents weren't going anywhere near the rocks, wimps. So we have tod rive the hovercraft to get to where the part of the ship holding them flew that’s when I heard. "Hey! Look its Vegeta Prince of all Saiyans!"

“Yeah I know who he is... he only said it like every time we saw him." Oh no.... not them.

“What the flamin' hell are these things?" Logan asks.

“I went to college with them." I confess.

“Hey! Why don't we see you at school anymore?" One asks I can't remember their names.

"I graduated 29 years ago you two are still there?"

“My dad owns a dealership." The other blurts out getting way to close to Logan

“Not what I asked" I sigh.

The one close to Logan purrs “What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

The Rodent clenches his fists. “I ain't a girl bub."

“C’mon take a drink and loosen up baby...” the alien grins.

“Still ain't a girl, if ya keep this up I'll turn ya inta one." Logan's claws come out with a SNIKT!

“Aww that babe has claws she totally wants you man!" The other raves.

“Oh screw this." Logan grunts before stabbing his claws into its crotch

"Ow my tonsils! You crazy ho bag!" It yells... Looks like all species don't keep them in the same place.

“I ain't a girl! Veg head let's look at those rocks an' get outta here." Logan pouts. “It can't be any more dangerous than yer drivin' that hovercraft."

I shrug. "I never drove one before, and you slamming into a tree at 70 MPH will teach you to put on a seatbelt."

The singing android records what us as we examine the rocks. Logan picks one up. “I think this is a crock I don't feel any different." He snarls. I look up... yeesh

I pick up one and shrink out of my armor. Great like I wasn't short enough.

Wait a minute... where's my fingers? Where's my.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

" Didja whine loud enough ya wimp?" Logan snorts...

“It’s gone! It's gone... I know I didn't want any more kids but not like this not this!" I scream.

“Okay I'm drivin' while yer freakin' out." Wolverine shakes his newly furry head.

Okay I have to calm down...oh great I have to urinate. HOW DO I URINATE? I grab one of the rocks and toss it into the sky I think it was red.


" Great Rao! What is that? No Red Kryptonite!"


The Frat boys scream “hey man get out of our stash! They use these horrible rocks as drugs? Explains why they're still in college for close to three decades, they're idiots. Me , and Logan go back; and show Fury what the radiation did us. He couldn't stop laughing long enough to tell us where we can go next he had to write it down.

We take the hovercraft to the pit stop. When we get there I state." Yes I know we both look like freaks."

Xavier shrugs "you look the same as you always do. Well Logan looks a little younger but I'm sure that's temporary."

If I and, The rodent look bacially normal...I run to the bathroom. Oh thank the stars it's back.


captain koma said...

Dick jokes again?

Professor Xavier said...

And here I had thought Logan has quite smoking. I guess teaming up with Vegeta drove him back to it.

Jan the Intergalactic Aviator said...

I hate those things. I don't know what they are, but I hate 'em.

Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

Ah...never underestimate where an alien keeps their genitalia. Captain Kirk had to learn that the hard way too.

Gyrobo said...

Clearly that Subway diet is working for Winnie the Pooh.

Paula Abdrool said...

This contest is yours to win!!