The Finish, the End, the point at which I don’t have to look at or listen to any of you small minded no talented pricks any longer. Mmmm, just of thought of this makes me feel wonderful on the inside. I could rub my man nipples for hours thinking of that.
Rightio, I suppose I should review all the other contestants, recap to draw this out longer, perhaps say nice things about the losers to sooth their egos. But I really don’t want to, I have better things to do with my time. If you have questions about my judging, give a yodel on the comments section and I’ll answer them to the best of my god-like abilities.
So it’s the final three, all selected to Host instead of take on pirates. Makes it easy to compare all your attempts since no one tried to be unique. See let us take a looky loo at your attempts.
Bennet: Excellent job, you actually mostly achieved what you were tasked to do. You also managed to get some pesky garden vermin killed in the process. Not too shabby. Actually, this was a good showing on your part.
Jan: How sad that Xavier saved your most vapid useless partner until last. You had a strong showing and Dazzler’s breasts made an excellent effort at entertaining. But a hair pulling fight? How cliché.
Petrelli: If we’d only known the way into Emma knickers was booze and some leather clothing, I would have invested in some of both from the very beginning. But I liked your attempt at coupling up passengers.
So who won? Well, it’s been a crazy long race, my little peons, and you three have raced better than all the others. But who was the best? Who raced the fasted and strategized the best? None of you really, I think it’s all sheer dumb luck that has you three here. But whatever the reason, only one of you managed to milk that luck to the very end.
And that person first to the finish is…
Nathan Petrelli! You must have been motivated to haul your fanny at warp speed after getting your girl stolen from you by an ugly man with a small vocabulary and even smaller brain. Congratulations, may this take the sting out of your strike out.
Jan and Bennet, you both were excellent this time, it was very close. Veryveryvery close. And no, Bennet, I don’t hold you hooking me up with Paula against you, lots of people try, but I prefer my women not to be a train wreck. Everyone did an excellent job and should you have questions about why I judged as I did, leave a comment and I’ll try to answer it.